Sleepless Nights

Remember those nights you fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow? Or the mornings you woke up feeling refreshed and revived after 8 hours of uninterrupted slumber?

Yeah, me neither.

Actually, that’s a lie. I used to be a fantastic sleeper. I would sometimes wake up in the same position I fell asleep in, that’s how good I slept. I had nights where I wouldn’t wake up, not even once, to toss and turn or readjust my position. It was freakin’ amazing.

And then I got pregnant.

Towards the beginning of my pregnancy, I started to have trouble sleeping. My mind was always on, always racing with thoughts about the new baby that would soon change our lives.

I remember my wakefulness during the night was always the worst when I knew I had to be up early the next morning. There were nights I swear I finally fell asleep 15 minutes before my alarm went off.

And then came Myla.

I knew what we were in for when she was born. I knew I would be up all throughout the night breastfeeding. But I think deep down I thought that as she got older, we would all eventually get more sleep.

Boy, I was so wrong.

The sleep deprivation is REAL. 7 months later, I am still awake throughout the night, sticking my boob in Myla’s face so she falls back asleep.

Don’t mom shame me.

We tried the whole sleep training thing, and it wasn’t for us. How are we supposed to leave her crying alone in her crib for hours when all she wants to do is be close to us? So that is why we still co-sleep.

Myla loves nursing to sleep. It comforts her, makes her sleepy, and I know she feels safe and loved. I’m not ready to take that away from her, nor am I ready for it to be taken from me.

I complain about how tired I am, how I’m up multiple times throughout the night so she can nurse herself back to sleep. And I’ve definitely done some questionable things due to my lack of sleep. But… that’s life at the moment.

As much as I long for a good nights sleep, I love sleeping so close to the ones I love, even if that means a night full of wakefulness. There will come a day when Myla will fall asleep by herself, in her own crib, in her own room.

When that day comes, we will be ready, but for now, we will embrace the sleepless nights.

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